Ask Eric: Desserts and Zombies

Editor's Note: Ask Eric is an advice column published every Tuesday. Anonymous questions are taken from this Google form. Questions are also taken both from The Collegian's Instagram, @thecollegianur, and via email, collegianaskeric@gmail.com. The views and opinions expressed in this article do not reflect those of The Collegian.

Hello all,

I am coming to you live from paradise (Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania) to answer your burning questions. As you all have probably figured out by now, I get some fairly silly questions rather often on this column. Usually, I try to balance these questions with more serious ones so that I can give a variety of answers. 

Because we are currently living in some stressful times, I am going to take the opportunity to answer only light-hearted questions this time around. I hope, my answers can put a smile on your face, and if you have any input on my solutions, feel free to write in, and tell me about it. With all of that out of the way, let's get to the questions. 

What's the best d-hall dessert?

Given that I have now officially been on campus for as long as I am going to be, I would like to think that I am a connoisseur of the d-hall desserts. That, coupled with my propensity for anything sweet, makes me THE authority on desserts. 

With that, I can say that by far the best dessert in d-hall is the Heath Bar cookies. If I did not know any better, I would accuse UR of using some sort of magic on those cookies, because I do not think there is anything that makes me want to eat more of it than those cookies. 

If you are allergic to nuts, I would recommend any of the Oreo-based desserts. In particular, I am a big fan of Jersey dirt, which is just pudding and Oreos. 

How long could you survive in a zombie apocalypse?

The short answer to this question is not very long. 

For one, I am not very fast. When it comes to a zombie apocalypse, you have to be fast so you can get away from all of the horrors that are trying to eat your brain. I am not fast and have bad knees, so I am out of luck there. 

I am also a very deep sleeper. If I fell asleep, I honestly would not wake up until my head was halfway down a zombie's throat, and, at that point, it would just be rude to make a scene. 

Finally, I am not much of a survivalist. Basically the only thing I can do that would be helpful during the breakdown of society is fish, and I am not very good at that either. So if the zombies didn't get me, I would probably starve to death. 

What is Taylor Swift's best song?

I am sure everyone will be shocked to find out that I do not listen to Taylor Swift. I have never really been a fan, and I am certainly not a fan now. 

If I had to pick, however, I would choose "Tear Drops on my Guitar." The reason that I like it is that it is just so overdramatic. It reminds me of something a high-schooler would put in their Instagram bio to seem profound. 

I know it is supposed to be sad, but every time I hear it, I laugh a little bit. Maybe if I had just gone through a breakup, I would be sad, but until then, it will be a funny song to me. 

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Well, that is all for me this week. I hope that you got a bit of joy from the answers I gave to these not so serious questions. I want you all to remember to ask for help if you are having a difficult time at home or wherever you are. 

Also, as a favor to me, I ask that you all send a few more questions so that we can continue to have fun with this column. I hope you all have a good week.

Take it easy,
Eric Bossert

Contact columnist Eric Bossert at eric.bossert@richmond.edu.