"It" will not end with a T-shirt

Recently, a friend , whom I have known for years and always considered a kind and thoughtful person, posted a picture on Facebook.

The photo was a list of "reminders," and one of them read, "Dead girls can't say no," while another said, "It's not rape if you yell 'surprise!'"

I was shocked, to say the least, and wrote out a comment citing statistics of sexual violence, letting him know that "jokes" such as these have a wide, powerful, political impact. His response was basically that I should lighten up, brushing off the fact that for millions of people, these jokes cannot simply be brushed off.

He failed to realize that instead, these jokes can have a powerful impact, triggering awful memories and flashbacks and fostering an environment in which victims cannot step forward for fear of social repercussions or judgment.

I figured I had at least tried, and maybe made it at least a little bit better for those who may have read the jokes and been at all hurt.

Then, a few days later, he proved my efforts futile, posting another list extremely offensive list. Worse still -- 12 people "liked" the photo, suggesting that they'd found it both funny and OK.

This is not an isolated incident. Jokes like his are everywhere and often perpetuated by popular, famous and powerful comedians including Daniel Tosh, Gilbert Gottfried ... the list could go on.

My experience with my friend taught me that even the "nice" men in my daily life buy into some of the worst cultural myths about sex and power. It also caused me to reflect on the "It Ends Now" campaign and its role in changing this culture that normalizes and trivializes rape.

I have no doubt that if my friend had attended Richmond, he would have signed the pledge and gotten the free T-shirt. The thing about "It Ends Now" is that is doesn't challenge, subvert, or educate students at all about how our culture sustains rape and sexual assault--how many people who were wearing the shirt or made the pledge have laughed at and or made jokes like these? I'm willing to bet the majority of them.

Most concerning is the passivity of the pledge. Individuals can "pledge" for a seemingly harmless thing (after all, who wouldn't sign something saying they would not commit sexual violence?) without having to have a conversation, or personally reflect on rape culture, consent or healthy relationships. An individual can put on the T-shirt without thinking through what this personal commitment means and what they can actively do to end rape.

I have no doubt that there are people walking around wearing the shirt or signing the pledge who have committed nonconsensual sexual acts that they do not consider assault or rape. This both harms victims (who may see their assailant walking around in the shirt and feel further shame or unwillingness to ever come forward about their experiences) and continues to let assailants "off the hook," as they can continue to see themselves as good, non-rapist individuals (because of a t-shirt).

Furthermore, the e-mail sent out concerning the project emphasized the free T-shirt over its purpose. "Free" was in all-caps four times throughout the e-mail, with a measly few sentences describing it as an initiative to "to take a visible stand against relationship and sexual violence."

I'm glad that (according to Dean Boehman) over 800 people got a T-shirt and signed the pledge; it concerns me that a free T-shirt or social bandwagon force might have been what incentivized them to do so.

In effect, Richmond College gets lots of good PR (Look at all our students pledging not to commit sexual violence! In matching t-shirts! We're so progressive and awesome!) without taking any tangible steps or policy changes to alter a culture steeped with rape, sexual violence and the acceptance of this violence. Sexual and relationship violence will not end with a T-shirt. The "It Ends Now" campaign serves to enhance Richmond College's reputation, while leaving unaddressed some of the underlying structures and policies of rape culture on this campus.

If Richmond College really wanted to take a stand against violence, why not divert the funds from free T-shirts to sustained educational efforts and programming about sexual violence and assault? Why not change the structure of the partying culture at Richmond so men (specifically, fraternity men) do not control alcohol and party space, giving them enormous power? Why not eradicate the coordinate college, which enforces a gender binary and fosters a hyper-masculine identity that contributes to rates of sexual violence?

I realize that "It Ends Now" has only the best of intentions. I respect, appreciate and am very happy that Richmond is attempting to bring this huge problem to people's attention and become a part of the conversation. Other initiatives, such as Take Back the Night, are hugely powerful and can be wonderful steps to changing this culture. However, the structure and set up of "It Ends Now" leaves a hollow message that seems to do more for RC's image than ending sexual assault.