You know you're a hipster when...

1. You are more aware of problems in Africa than anyone else. Now, I think we all ought to feel compassion for the issues plaguing the continent. But, memorizing the infancy mortality rates due to the concentration of a bacteria in a stream in the southwest corner of Cote d'Ivoire does not make you more compassionate than the next guy, because unfortunately there is no practical connection between you making some other college kid aware and an African baby surviving.

What's that, you say? You actually handed out bottled water (recyclable of course) to said babies? I applaud the motivation. But, I think donating the $1,500 that it took to fly you out there could have had more practical uses. It's useful to point out that you are only able to be so compassionate because your father brings in six digits a year. (I know Africa is full of truly devastating problems, but you live ten minutes away from one of the worst neighborhoods in America.)

2. You know a few miscellaneous facts that you can squeeze into any Diversity Roundtable discussion. Hipsters love facts that only they know.

"Professor, did you know that the amount of bird species in southwestern Chile has been decreasing by 2.3 percent since the establishment of NATO? I think I just figured out my study abroad summer research plan."

3. You buy cheap shoes and own a $2,000 computer. I just find something inconsistent about someone giving me a PowerPoint presentation on the devastatingly lower inner-city standardized test scores from a $2,000 computer that just came out two days ago. No, I don't feel like joining Teach for America if you show me a picture of a malnourished Baltimore public school student from your $400 upfront and $100/month phone. But, you never know. If I had my parents buy me a $800 touch screen toy, I might be more informed and less closed-minded. The fact that your brand name shoes cost less than your psychology lab partner's brand name shoes means nothing when you type up your lab report on a computer that is four times as expensive as a normal computer. You are a consumer - get over it.

4. You pronounce foreign things in the same way the locals say them. Only hipsters have the money to travel to Sri Lanka to see how Sri Lankans pronounce the name of their capital. You can be talking plain "American" and then pronounce "Paris" as "Paree" and instantly get the approval of all of your friends at your OMA meeting. When an international student pronounces "that" as "dat," we say he has an accent. When I pronounce "ee-raq" as "I-raq," I'm ignorant.

5. You don't think that this article applies to you because you're too original to be categorized as a hipster.