Mission: library tinkletown

OK, so this topic is very near and dear to my heart. Every time I think about it, I just can't help getting a bit fired up ... about Boatwright bathrooms. Why, why, why are the restrooms in the most awkward places in the library?

Every single one of them is located in an unnaturally quiet place that leaves you overcome with a morbid fear that someone might hear you going to the bathroom every time you close the stall door.

Let's just go ahead and discuss the worst offender... the second floor bathroom in the quiet section. Not only do you have to pee in a quiet section, you have to pee in the alternate universe of a quiet section; it is immune to the passage of time, the outside world and probably nuclear bombs.

Once you open the door and step into the alternate existence, you immediately feel hateful vibes from all the people giving you the stink eye. All you want to do is pee and in the process you have to deal with the steely gazes of the studiers.

Yes, we know that you locked yourself up in the most sacred of quiet sections, but we still have to pee; you can just put on your headphones to block the noise of the constant bathroom go-ers, but we can't put headphones on our bladders and call it a day, so I apologize.

Since you're obviously walking in there to disturb their academic peace, ruin their papers and prevent them from getting jobs, you try to avert your eyes and make a stealth trip to the ladies' room, but of course, your flip-flops are a dead giveaway.

When you finally get to the bathroom, you're relieved not to be the annoying person walking across the quiet room, but almost immediately you are haunted by the painful knowledge that if they really wanted to listen, they could definitely hear you tinkle; ... it's uncomfortable and causes an undeniable amount of anxiety.

You think the worst is over with when you finish washing your hands, but as you confront the gazes for the second time, you realize that everyone knows exactly how much time you spent in the bathroom and judging by the time frame, probably what you were doing. Mortifying.

To make matters worse, you are greeted by the harsh realization that you just chugged a lot of water. In fact, it was the whole Smart Water bottle that you got from the lady with the red hair and impressive tattoo collection at ETC.

Naturally, your stomach churns when it dawns on you that you'll be making frequent trips to the bathroom within the next two hours. You might even consider going to the first floor quiet section or even B1 to avoid the hateful glares.

It's awkward enough if you're in the bathroom by yourself, but it's even worse when you're in there with a stranger! Part of you wants to make polite hand washing conversation, but you know if you do, everyone will hear you and wonder why in God's name you're talking to a stranger in the bathroom.

So instead, you wash your hands in deafening silence trying to decide who is going to go for the paper towels and make the exit first.

Usually, you try to let the other girl finish so that you can analyze your reflection in peace and decide whether you are going to let yourself have a panini at lunch.

But you don't want to stay in there too long because everyone knows when you went in and, if you're in there for a long time, they can only assume the worst.

I guess they didn't really think about bathroom anxieties when they designated the quiet sections, but it really does make a difference. No one wants a side of anxiety attack with their full bladder, but alas, it's usually unavoidable at Boatwright.

On the bright side, meandering around the library searching for the least awkward bathroom alternative is a great opportunity to look for potential soulmates.

If you're looking for a dedicated student and hard worker, you're bound to find him or her on one of your many uncomfortable bathroom trips in the quiet sections!