An easier way to study for a maximization of overall benefits

When a difficult test is coming up in a particular class, the scenario is always the same: You and your fellow classmates are speckled across various locations conducive to studying on campus, with books spread out and eyes anchored down to pages.

You run into each other, grunting the awkward "Hey," and sometimes (when there is a spare millisecond of time) even getting so personal with each other as to inquire about respective feelings pertaining to the coming exam. Suggestions are usually offered ("Nervous?" or "Feelin' good?") and answers (regardless of what they actually are) tend to evoke higher levels of tension than previously surrounded the situation.

There is a mutual feeling of dread during the weeks leading up to the exam. Together all of you are on a death march, and together you must relentlessly march on.

Little did any of us know, we have a choice. All those times that we have greeted each other over the edge of our textbooks from the depths of dangerously depressive states amid a battle with our eyes to stay open, we were all unknowingly trapped in powerless states of oblivion.

These states (like most states pertaining to powerlessness) were due to nothing more than a lack of information. I am hereby going to alleviate all of you from these states. You're welcome.

Allow me to explain the grading process. It is a relative process, and in its absolute form relies on the general expectation that a relatively high percentage of the graded class will do well (i.e., receive an A or a B). When this does not occur, changes are made so that it does occur. These changes are commonly referred to as "grading curves," and they most frequently assume one of two forms:

1) The most common grade scored by members of the class is pushed upward to one that is higher on the grading scale, and the relative grades are likewise pushed up. For example, the most commonly scored grade is a C. It is pushed up to become a B, and all of the initial Bs become As, initial Ds become Cs, and so on.

2) The more popular form of grade curving: The highest score in the class is moved up however many points it requires to become a score of 100 percent, and all other grades in the class are likewise moved up that many points.

For example, the highest grade in the class is an 83 percent. It is given an additional 17 points to reach 100 percent, and all other grades in the class also get that additional 17 points (so a 65 percent becomes an 82 percent, a 70 percent becomes an 87 percent, and so on).

The pattern of both of these grade curves, which as you can see are extremely beneficial to all members of a test-taking class, is that they require members of a class to receive generally low test scores. This means that because grading is essentially a relative process, test-taking students will actually tend to be rewarded in cases in which a high percentage of the class scores badly.

So what is a more useful method of studying than our current one, whereby each of us enters into a painful stupor to maintain an ultimately impossible level of mental fastidiousness? Why, the very opposite.

No one studies. No efforts whatsoever are made to achieve high test scores. Every member of the class in fact strives to attain only the very lowest possible test scores, in a group effort to receive the very highest possible grading rewards.

Books are kept shut. Class material remains mysterious. All test-takers walk into class on T-Day upholding a vital mutual understanding that the number of points theoretically subtracted from every exam because of a lack of study effort will be doubled or even tripled by the guaranteed resulting grading curve.

A group effort and understanding are obviously essential for the success of this new study method, but it poses an offer that even the nerdiest of all cannot refuse. No one wants to study, but everyone wants to do well in school.

This seemingly paradoxical juxtaposition of wishes is satisfied by this study system alone. All students will inevitably acknowledge the assets of such a system, and do their utmost to promote and perpetuate it - particularly those of higher IQ levels.

And if someone still refuses to cooperate, just tell the teacher he cheated. One glance at the class distribution of test scores should surely serve as proof.