President Obama will fix the iPad!

President Obama has announced a new $6 billion Federal program to fix the design flaws with the newly released Apple iPad. Reviews of the iPad have noted several major drawbacks to the tablet, such as the lack of an operating system that allows multitasking, the absence of Adobe Flash support in the web browser, no external USB ports or the fact that it's simply a trendy iTouch with a 10-inch screen.

By reaching out to the early adopters of Apple products, President Obama appears to be personally appealing to the hip and connected demographic that helped propel him to the White House in 2008, but whose support seems to be waning.

These groups include loyal fans of Apple; college students whose votes are as peer-influenced as their clothing, music, and beer choices; Democratic residents of New Jersey, Virginia, and Massachusetts who haven't found the time to vote since November of 2008; and those who think every issue in their daily lives can be solved through a government mandate. These groups are often one and the same.

Minor controversy erupted on Monday, after the discovery that Obama's record $3.8 trillion budget included a provision requiring every American to purchase an iPad, as a means of stimulating the personal computing market. After nationalizing the automotive industry, the banking and insurance industries, and attempting to nationalize the energy industry, the power grab has not come as a surprise to many.

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, addressing those still oblivious enough to be surprised by Mr. Obama's conduct, responded, "The President, later today, will highlight the job-creating aspects of the iPad initiative. He'll give a speech.

"He's good at those."

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