Let's talk about sex, baby: Pick-up lines

Dear Sally,

I never really know how to hit on a girl, so I always seem to end up whipping out some lame pickup line. This usually results in me being mocked and, needless to say, getting no action. What can I do to fix it?

- Pickup-pathetic

Dear Pathetic,

I'm glad to see you recognize you have a problem - pick-up lines are always painfully unsmooth and make both parties feel self-conscious. Telling a girl she should be arrested because it must be illegal to look that good is the polar opposite of having swagger.

To dispel the stench of desperation, try some good old-fashioned small talk and funny commentary. Every girl is a sucker for a guy who can make her laugh, so flip your brain back on from its weekend- induced funk and come up with some incisive observations about how Natty Light is the only currency that matters, or how lodge sludge should be considered its own STD.

As obvious as it seems, a genuine attempt at a normal conversation is the least creepy way to woo a girl. After all, why would she waste her time on someone who bores her to death or has the conversational skills of a well-trained dog? Lure her in with some witty repartee, show her you've got some brains to back up that humor and she'll stick around longer than a weekend. So go forth and converse!

Love,

Sally

Inept at getting action or unsure about STDs? Email Sally anonymously at sallysexpert@gmail.com.