If you are going to China: a list to be as prepared as you'll ever be

The Study Abroad Office at the University of Richmond does a fine job of equipping students with the necessary materials and attitudes that will assist them in maximizing their welfares and potentials overseas. I personally have experienced minimal culture shock overall.

That being said, I suppose there is no way to fully prepare anyone for China. I mean, a) Who goes to China? b) Who's been to China? and c) How does one ever really fully prepare oneself for this kind of endeavor?

One cannot, and therefore my advice is somewhat general. But any English-speaker considering going to China for abroad should take these words to HEART and beyond.

IF YOU ARE GOING TO CHINA:

1. Buy toilet paper. Bring it around with you. This is the BYOTP concept, and it greatly reduces the relevance of tip No. 2.

2. Look up the Chinese word for "yeast infection." You don't want to be playing that game of charades with the pharmacist. You just don't.

3. Do not instigate the "five-second rule." There are no diapers in Shanghai, just open holes in baby outfits. Five seconds of feces is still hepatitis. Case closed.

4. Learn how to say "bathroom." This includes both word and tone. Learn it before emergency time. Be able to say it during emergency time. There's no way around this. After conducting some experiments, I have discovered that peeing your pants is universally frowned upon - a cross-cultural phenomenon!

5. Do not leave your drink unattended and then go back and drink it, unless you were wondering what your organs looked like against the backdrop of the same street mentioned in tip No. 3.

6. Do not drink the water, unless of course for some reason you are experiencing a medical emergency requiring an enema.

7. Do not order "pork" or "beef" from street vendors. The cats in the cage next to the stove resemble neither pigs nor bulls, and this is because they are not. If it don't taste like beef ... IT AIN'T BEEF!

8. If a blinged-out Chinese man approaches you in a club, walk away. He thinks you're a prostitute.

9. If a blinged-out Chinese woman approaches you in a club, walk away. She thinks you should become one.

10. The death penalty: my anti-drug!