No glove, no love: let's seal the deal

Men,

Are you tired of wearing the glove when it comes down to the dirty-dirty? Do you see the condom as a restraint that takes away from the "feeling"? And does your old girl constantly nag you about putting one on?

Well, shut up and deal with it ... if you want some during your study break tonight, that is.

You would not believe what we ladies must go through to keep the bun out of the oven. And NO, it's not as easy as just taking a pill. There's much more to it. Here's a look into the drastic measures we must take when it comes to bedroom affairs.

Exhibit A: The Pill. Don't let its small size fool you, because the pill is not a force to be reckoned with. Once you start taking the pill, don't be surprised if you find yourself eating whole pizzas instead of slices or crying every other hour. That's perfectly normal. WARNING: Missing a day's dose could cause you to throw up your entire insides the next day when you take two pills to make up for the one missed. And don't forget to take the pill around the same time every day. Timing is key, because a mere twenty minutes could stand between you and motherhood!

Exhibit B: The Cervical Cap, a fancy name for a suction cup that's shoved up the vajay. But this isn't just an ordinary suction cup - this one has magical powers. This particular suction cup seals tight over the opening of the cervix, and keeps the juices out of the baby-making area. You're looking at $50-$200 for the doctor to install this contraceptive mousetrap inside of you.

Exhibit C: The Implant. If you don't mind living everyday life with a match stuck inside your shoulder, invest in the Norplant or Implanon brand of the contraceptive implant. You read correctly, a match-sized stick that releases hormones is inserted into your shoulder, and is left there for months! Sounds like fun, right?

Exhibit D: The Ring. This ring does not go on your finger. NuvaRing is a plastic ring that is placed in the vajay once a month. This ring releases hormones to prevent the ovaries from releasing eggs. I guess you have to put a ring on it if you're a single lady and the other forms of birth control don't float your boat.

Men, I want you all to think twice before you give your special lady any lip about wearing the glove. It's the least you can do. Enjoy the simple life while it lasts, because word has it that a male contraceptive drug is in the works. Your time is coming. Brace yourselves. You'll be inserting, ingesting and implanting in no time!

Contact staff writer Kiara Lee at kiara.lee@richmond.edu