If Monday night’s episode of Game of Thrones could be summarized in one word, I think we’d all agree that that word would be: HA. A big ole’ ha-ha to one of the most obnoxious, despicable and infuriating characters HBO has produced in years. Let’s pop open a bottle of F.U. champagne, toast to the boy that was to TV what Pitbull is to music and call it a night.
If you haven’t caught on, we’re talking about the assassination of King Joffrey Baratheon at his own wedding feast.
Seven painstakingly slow days after the season premiere of Game of Thrones, viewers gathered around their TVs and computers to see what would happen in the second episode of the highly anticipated third season. The title of the episode, “The Lion and the Rose,” hinted that we’d finally get to see the royal wedding of the century — and oh, what a spectacle it was. Joffrey, murdered at his own wedding, poisoned in front of hundreds of guests, was finally eliminated from the Game of Thrones.
The only question that remaining is: who ‘dun it?
We say the Queen of Thorns ‘dun it! Every aspect of the Purple Wedding – ironic seeing as Joff choked and turned purple – screams guilt for the Tyrell’s. Let’s look at the facts: 1. The Tyrell’s had the most to gain by murdering Joffrey, merely hours after his wedding ceremony. With Margaery on the throne, they instantly became the most powerful family in Westeros. 2. Lady Olenna would never have married her granddaughter to a monster like Joffrey unless she could provide a way out. 3. Poison is a woman’s weapon. Tyrion would never have put poison in his nephew’s drink in front of hundreds at a wedding feast — but the Queen of Thrones wouldn’t hesitate. Her position as the grandmother of the bride means the Lannisters would never suspect her.
Need more convincing? Well, there are only a few ways you’ll ever know for sure: wait out the season and hope that someone reveals themselves (which we all know you’re not going to do), read the books (you won’t regret it), or check out what George R. R. Martin has to say about the untimely death of the young king.
Monday’s episode was about more than the death of our least favorite king of Westeros. We also saw the horrible vengeance the Red Woman enacted on innocent nonbelievers by burning them alive, we saw Bran Stark and his crew journey beyond the wall to find a new path by looking through the eyes of a weirwood tree and we saw Theon transformed into Ramsey’s helpless, broken pet.
Even though the season has just begun, we’re already seeing how some characters in Game of Thrones are developing, while others are spiraling down a path of utter hopelessness.
Who’s to say what will happen next week? Did Sansa run away with Ser Dontos? Will Tyrion be executed for the murder of King Joffrey? And what on Earth is happening across the Narrow Sea with Khaleesi and her fiery dragons? I don’t know about you, but I’ll be spending this week pondering the answers to these questions over a glass of mulled wine. Cheers, Joff.
-Meowgaery Tyrell & Katleesi