Drunken hooking up is fun and liberating, and since I’ve been in America, I’ve been in awe of how easily you can initiate one-night-only relationships. In awe, but also beginning to become quite skeptical.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the occasional no-strings-attached tomfoolery as much as the next person, but what happens when your intoxicated brain and drunken heart start to form emotional attachments? It seems that even if you wanted to, it would be difficult to do anything with strings attached.
Now, before I go any further, I want to clarify that relationships are not inherently lame. They are, in fact, the result of universal, natural feelings stirred when you meet someone you’re attracted to, so please, may we not have any nasty comments.
Even on the most hedonistic, sexually orientated level, relationships are good because of the superior quality of sex they allow – you don’t have to love them or anything. On a more emotionally developed level (along with better sex), you get to hang out with someone fun and interesting in the post-coital calm. Dare I say it, you could even enjoy their company when doing something clothed!
The drunken hook-up may have started off as liberating, but now it appears to have become confining and oppressive when you’re looking for anything more (which most people will at some point). It seems to have become the norm, making it taboo to ask someone out on a date unless you’ve slept with them first. Even if you’ve slept with them five times, there’s still the risk of appearing clingy.
Therefore, as your ex-colonial master, I will outline how things should work based on the English principles:
When you encounter someone you’re attracted to at a lodge, rather than sneaking up behind them and dancing with them hoping for the best, try and engage in conversation before going in to strike. This will allow you to show off how witty and clever you are and prove that you are a suitable mate.
Once the target has been snared, be straightforward and say whether you would genuinely like to hang out or not. Not talking to someone you knew intimately the night before appears sociopathic rather than stoical. And let’s be honest, you’re not going to break anyone’s heart after one night (unless you’re Charles Smart).
Of course, this criticism could just be down to my lack of understanding, in which case disregard everything I’ve said. However, several natives I’ve spoken to have agreed.
Once again, I am not condemning the liberality you show toward hooking up. In comparison to English conservatism and prudishness, it is truly awesome. At the same time, don’t let it be the norm—it creates a barrier that’s very hard to overcome if you ever want to. Sex may seem mature and grown-up, but being able to maintain a relationship afterwards, even if it’s just friendship, is more so.