University of Richmond Collegian > Opinion > A Letter to Women

A Letter to Women

Published: September 1, 2011, 2:29 am ET
By Brendan Rhatican
Contributor

Dear women,

You may respond by saying that men cannot speak on women’s clothing, but I assure you that it has become as much an issue for me as it is for you. I’m asking that you wear more clothes. It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to look at you as a woman. I want to tell you that the less you wear, the more of an object you become, and the more conservatively you dress, the more of a woman you are. You may reply: “What, then, are you asking for? Do you want me to veil myself as the ancients did? Can I not be presentable? Do you want me to just stay inside?”

There are still men who cherish a chaste woman before a “presentable” woman, a virgin before a diva and a commitment before instant gratification. A woman used to be honored for her virginity; now she hates herself for it. A woman’s chastity used to be her attractiveness, her security, her character and her virginity, her beauty. You ask why men are no longer chivalrous. When was the last time your actions demanded chivalry? You ask why you are treated like an object. Why wouldn’t you be objectified?

It is increasingly difficult for me to look at you without disrespecting you with my eyes. What else do you want me to think of when you wear skin-tight clothing? You have stripped yourself of everything that made you beautiful. You have offered yourself to many men and wonder why I do not treat you like the only woman in the world. You chose the “bad boy” and wonder why you never have any “luck” with real men. You make men into animals and ask why they cannot tame their appetite. You feel empowered when you live with no strings attached and ask why you are so lonely.

I want to look at you and not at your body. I want to talk to you without having to play a flirting game. I want to make marriage the ends of our relationship and not a future contingency. I want to desire you for your virtue, not your body. I want to love your character, not your mask. There are still some real men. You do not see them because your actions do not demand them.

Can you sacrifice fashion in order for me to treat you like a real woman?

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1339140179 Ashley Joyce Andem

    To the Aspiring Jonathan Swift (aka Brendan Rhatican, you scoundrel you!):

    I would like to give you an award for the most outstanding Collegian satire that the University has ever seen. No, really. In the almost four years of my being here – short of the famous commentary of Mycal Kelly – I have yet to see another article so pleasantly blistering with sarcasm.

    Because there’s no way you were serious. And there is no way I could possibly take you seriously. You should consider not wearing v-neck shirts.

  • Keegan Allen

    Wow this isn’t ripped straight out of Criminal Minds or anything. Hey UR, this is the kind of warning sign you read about in the papers where everybody says “Oh my gosh there was no warning that this guy was a total sociopath.”  Well, here it is.  You’ve published it, are you going to do anything about it?

    • Anonymous

      Shame on you for accusing Brendan of something so vile. He is an ROTC cadet who will fight and die for this country. What have you ever done for this country? And what will you ever do that matches the spirit of sacrifice inherent to his impending martyrdom?

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1339140179 Ashley Joyce Andem

        MAN is there an abundance of comedians on this campus! But, you know, in case you’re serious:

        By your logic, Mr. Rhatican is martyring himself for the United States, which many will proudly declare protects “free speech” (please note the quotation marks). Which means – again, by your logic – he is dying to tell me how to live, and also dying to let me tell him why his views can’t, don’t and won’t translate to the real world. Right?…Right?

        I am so glad that you and I are on the same page. Unless you’re trolling, in which case I just won’t take you seriously. I strongly suggest that you, too, stop wearing v-neck shirts in public.

        • Katie

          so? I don’t care that this is a year late. I’ve dedicated twelve years of my life to study pediatric neurosurgery. I spend my whole life dedicated to saving children dying of brain cancer with no time to eat, sleep, or play. I’m also a woman. Using ROTC as an excuse to be able to act like a rapist with no one allowed to have another opinion is a little messed up. Because, let’s get real – it’s not like he’s actually been overseas yet. I have lost my best friend to the war in Iraq and he wasn’t a psychopath and didn’t spend his time viewing women as nothing more than a food-cooking blow up doll. I’m sure if he went overseas fighting next to women not dressed in dresses and petticoats he would develop another opinion. Real women who fight in wars. Who actually save people. It’s not just men overseas, honey, and it’s not just war heroes who save lives. Welcome to the ACTUAL real world. As someone who lost her best friend, TRUST ME. I have every ounce of respect for real war heroes. This was probably just another guy who couldn’t get a job for obvious reasons picking the army because he never actually thought he’d get called overseas. Write another comment when he’s actually fought.

      • Samantha Lint

        His position as an ROTC does not absolve him of his incredibly misogynist discrimination. That is irrelevant.

        • Anonymous

          How is it irrelevant? Brendan is a man of good moral standing. One can be objective about appraising goodness in humans, and Brendan will be at the top of any totem pole society ever erects.

          • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_7U6I4FTZ3JQ2CGBNREAB43RBQQ Jane

            Being in the ROTC doesn’t automatically make one worthy of respect. I dated a man who was ROTC – he kept trying to force me for sex and repeatedly lied to me. When I broke off the relationship, he stalked me for a month. 

            I judge a person by their actions and their writing, not by whatever organization they put on their resume. 

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=770886762 Christine Parker

            Jane,

            I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Thank you for sharing your story with everyone! I hope it will shed some light on the situation for people.

          • http://www.facebook.com/leah.randall Leah Randall

            Apparently being a man of “good moral standing” means telling women what they should do with their bodies and basically telling them that if they don’t cover up, they are worthless and deserve to be raped because their chastity is their most important quality. Not their intelligence or their accomplishments or anything else – just whether or not they’ve conformed to what men have told them to do. Awesome.

      • http://www.facebook.com/joegkunkel Joe Kunkel

        Hey xieJunta my name Is joe Kunkel. I am a VCU student studying print journalism and a former US navy Intelligence Specialist. I enlisted to pay for college, because I’m one of those poor people you read about. I have served under plenty of officers fresh out of ROTC and let me tell you there is no shortage of misogynistic sociopaths among the officer ranks. What Brendan wrote was not only ignorant it reeked of a kind of misguided fundamentalism reminiscent of the sort that fueled the rage of a budding taliban. Honestly, it makes Brendan look like he has never even pondered the greater affects of the subordination of woman or the existence of the classic double standard, and its impact on fashion. You know the other day I was going for a jog, I was very hot so I decided to take my shirt off, I ran all through bell Isle with my shirt off while wearing very short running short, I was practically naked, I never once felt like any woman was “disrespecting me with her eyes”,think about it brendan, is that fair? If you cant control your thoughts when you see a beautiful woman you need to grow the f**k up, it’s called self control. If you are too shallow to be able to look beyond a woman’s physical appearance or fashion sense, to discover who she really is you will never truly fall in love with one, talk about loneliness. 

  • Jake Morrison

    Dear Collegian, you appear to have accidentally published an editorial from the September 1895 edition of the paper.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jake.morrison1 Jake Morrison

    Although it is really important that we keep the comments here focused on the problems with the article and not attack the person who wrote it. The problems with the article are obvious, but that doesn’t mean the author deserves to be called a “sociopath” just for having an outdated worldview. Focus on the content.

  • Lizzy Teague

     

    Dear Brendan,

     

    You may respond by saying that men can speak on women’s
    clothing, but I assure you that it has not become nearly as much an issue for
    you as it has for us. For example, are you frightened that you will be raped
    and lose the case against your rapist because your clothing was proven too
    skimpy for you not to have “had it coming”? I’m asking that you use more
    resources than your own self-absorbed “expertise” when making such public and
    outlandish statements as this one. It is becoming increasingly difficult for me
    to look at you as decent human being. I want to tell you that the more you
    publicize this archaic point of view, the more of an imbecile you prove
    yourself to be. You may reply: “What, then, are you asking for? Do you not
    enjoy listening to me spout off my completely uneducated, ill-informed point of
    view? Can I not speak my mind, no matter how triggering and shaming it may be
    to women who have been assaulted and/or raped? Do you want me to truly consider
    all the implications of that  which
    I am offering as truth before I go off on a misognynistic rampage of women’s
    rights?”

     

    Though there are still men who cherish a chaste woman before
    a “presentable” woman, you have no right to choose which of those incredibly
    stereotyped and generalized roles a woman chooses for herself. All woman are
    not honored for their virginity and not all women hate themselves for it- you
    are speaking of something you know nothing about. A woman’s chastity was never
    her attractiveness; it was her SELLING POINT, emphasis on SELLING. I ask you, why
    do you think we care at all about the death of chivalry when as a concept, it
    is still alive and kicking in all of the unfortunate ways it always was? Chivalry
    is nothing but a clawing for power: “I will put you on a pedestal, but once
    you’re up there, you must do as I say and wear what I say and have sex with me
    whenever I want it! “ When was the last time someone treated you like an object
    based on your clothing? What outfit could you even imagine being used as an
    excuse to come into your space, rape you, and violate your most basic human
    rights?

     

    Your lack of self of control does not negate my right to
    wear whatever I like, in whatever fashion I would like to wear it. Your
    complete lack of regard for women’s rights does not mean that they do not
    exist. Your lack of acknowledgment that women are people, just like you, that
    deserve to be treated with respect no matter what they look like or wear, just
    as men deserve to be treated with respect no matter what they look like or
    wear, is a shameful reflection on you as a person and the society who created
    you.

     

    Could you sacrifice your idiotic notions of chivalry in
    order to treat all people, including women, the way you would like to be
    treated?

    • Spyda

      oh please, men cannot talk about women clothes when women do it all the time. cant have it both ways. smh

  • Fiona Carmody

    There are no words.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=770886762 Christine Parker

      Fiona, come back! We obviously still need you and your rationality here. :(

  • Zhivko
    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1339140179 Ashley Joyce Andem

      I was waiting for you to post something. :)

  • Anonymous

    I, for one, support this man. Given the amount of porn I watch, I am no longer sufficiently turned on by naked or semi-naked women. Instead, I rely on visuals of women who wear skintight clothes a la yoga pants to get my rocks off. If you will look online, this fetish is widespread. 

    I wish the women of Richmond pranced around in leotards. That is my fetish, so can we not tolerate Brendan advocating for his?

    Brendan wants chaste women the same way I do carefree sluts. Who are you to admonish him for his tastes in sex? 

    Most of you commentators come to Richmond from suburban havens, meaning you have briefly traveled from one bubble to another. Despite that fact, make an effort to relieve yourselves of bigotry, such that you can learn to accept those who deviate. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=501661043 Carmen Wicker

      This isn’t the personals section. Try harmony central or adult friend finder…

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=770886762 Christine Parker

      Xie,

      I obvi don’t know you personally (or do I?), so I can’t tell if you’re trolling, sarcastic, or whatevs. But you may want to consider the effect of your rhetoric. It may not produce what you’re intending. (Or if you have no intentions, maybe start thinking about that?)

      Just a thought. :)

  • Cara Fassino

    Are you seriously implying chastity is what makes a virtuous character? If you are, you’re doing a terrible job at masking your inability to control your own desires. Are you going to write a separate article when you discover that girls in bulky sweatshirts also like sex, and should therefore lose your respect as well?

  • Melanie Watkins

    After this article, I don’t think you have to worry anymore about women playing any “flirting game” with you. It’s a shame because you seem like such a keeper. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=770886762 Christine Parker

    Oh hey, Christine! Hope you enjoyed your summer at home in California. Welcome back to UR, the land of conservative slut-shaming. Good luck surviving the next 8 months!

    http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2010/04/04/what-is-slut-shaming

  • Anonymous

    And those who repudiate bigotry are disgusted by you. I am a liberal, left-wing extremist by American standards, but limousine liberals like you are just as bigoted as the most batshit conservatives. You are like the pathetic yuppies and hipsters who are afraid to upset their social fabrics, since absolute tolerance and acceptance belies their sheepish prerogatives. It is extremely likely that you accept homosexuals precisely because everyone else in your clique does.

    Brendan is in the ROTC, and he will fight and die for this country. What have you ever done? What will you ever do that matches the ultimate sacrifice of martyrdom? Save your condemnation of his character for the WGSS courses.  

    Brendan has a kink: he is attracted to the ideal of a good, white, supple, Christian, chaste woman. I am attracted to athletic women who are sexually promiscuous and wear skintight pants and blouses. That is my kink. Homosexuals are attracted to members of their own biological genders. And, that is their kink. Those who partake in BDSM sessions have their kinks. Swingers have theirs. You probably have one as well, but because you share that kink with the rest of the sheep, you do not think twice about its peculiarity. 

    Why are you so intolerant of alternative lifestyle choices? Human sexuality and human morality is a spectrum, so learn to think outside the boundaries of your suburban upbringing. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=770886762 Christine Parker

      Dude. There are so many issues with every single comment you post. I don’t even know where to begin…

      • Anonymous

        Here is a three-step solution for you, and perhaps some other commentators from this board, afflicted with mild retardation:

        1. Read my post aloud. It helps with comprehension.
        2. Write a cogent argument after you look up “cogent.”
        3. Reflect for at least a half hour.

         

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Emily-Willstatter/1453125815 Emily Willstatter

      WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SHUT THE FUCK UP

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Emily-Willstatter/1453125815 Emily Willstatter

      WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SHUT THE FUCK UP

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=501661043 Carmen Wicker

      Where did Brendan say he liked white women? you need to check your shit. because in the comment you made below you also used mild retardation as an insult? I can see that you are far more tolerant than the rest of the people on this thread via making assumptions that chaste and conservatively dressed also means White, and that disagreement with your opinions is equivalent to retardation.
      Plus I don’t think it’s Brendan’s personal preference that people here have a problem with. It’s the fact that he felt the need to address the entire community of women as a whole to tell them that they should mold themselves to his standards.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=501661043 Carmen Wicker

      Where did Brendan say he liked white women? you need to check your shit. because in the comment you made below you also used mild retardation as an insult? I can see that you are far more tolerant than the rest of the people on this thread via making assumptions that chaste and conservatively dressed also means White, and that disagreement with your opinions is equivalent to retardation.
      Plus I don’t think it’s Brendan’s personal preference that people here have a problem with. It’s the fact that he felt the need to address the entire community of women as a whole to tell them that they should mold themselves to his standards.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1234710145 Jessie Pascarelli

    HEY GUYS LET’S HOLD A FORUM WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT IN A FRANK AND OPEN WAY AND THEN EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER!!!!!!

  • http://twitter.com/ChrisEyler Chris Eyler

    Brendan,

    As a recent graduate of the University of Richmond, a
    self-proclaimed feminist, and a man (I would gather this might surprise you), I
    must say I find your article repugnant and incredibly disturbing. I AM saying “men cannot speak on women’s
    clothing” with authority, just as I am saying your opinion on what makes a
    “real woman” is irrelevant and pitiful. If a woman becomes more of an object to
    you the less she wears, that IS a
    problem, but it is a problem with YOU,
    not with her. The tragedy is that, YOUR
    problem becomes HER problem when you
    treat her as if she were an object. The fact of the matter is, attitudes like
    yours contribute to a culture where “20–25% of women will be raped or
    experience attempted rape during their college career” (http://www.aauw.org/act/laf/library/assault_stats.cfm).
    I find that statistic staggeringly terrifying, and, if you have half a heart, you should too.

    So, should we just blame these female rape victims for
    being dressed too provocatively, as your article seems to imply? Are the male
    rapists the real victims here? Are we men completely powerless when confronted
    by female bedevilment in the form of a short skirt? NO, because most men CAN control
    themselves in such a situation, and without ANY
    difficulty. Why should women have to cater to YOUR WEAKNESSES?

    Consider this: if I can walk around during the summer
    with my shirt off, without fear of molestation, why can’t a woman wear a
    tank-top and short skirt to a party if she wants to? Come to think of it, if a
    woman can wear a bikini to a swimming pool without fear of being set upon by
    ravenous hordes of men, why can’t she wear an even less revealing outfit to
    said party without the same fears? Can you look at a woman in a bathing suit
    while at a pool without getting the urge to assault her? If you can—and I’m
    pretty confident this is correct—then you should be able to apply that same mindset
    to a party environment. If not, you need to see someone, because you have a
    serious, serious problem and need help before you harm one of your fellow
    students, and I’m NOT joking about
    that. So what do you think, are you tough enough to own up to the fact that controlling
    your sexual urges is your responsibility, or are you going to continue to make
    excuses and blame others for your own weaknesses?

    In closing, if this issue bothers you so much, why not
    take a class on woman and/or gender, sociology, or anthropology; anything that
    takes a serious, scholarly look at the different social norms for gender and
    the ways that they are structured in a given society. Or, you could read
    Michael Kimmel’s Guyland or Jackson
    Katz’s The Macho Paradox; both of
    which offer a man’s perspective on that touchy subject of masculinity and its
    relationship to women. In fact, I challenge you to read both of them AND take a class on gender. Sure, it’s a
    tall order, but I think it would do you, and most of our fellow men, some good.
    You’ve had the privilege of receiving an education at one of the most expensive
    and prestigious universities in the United States, why not take advantage of
    that opportunity and seek knowledge that could let you do some real good in the
    world?

    Regards,
    Chris Eyler
    Richmond ’11

    And if your article wasn’t intended to be taken
    seriously, pat yourself on the back; you just managed to write something in the
    vein of Mr. Swift’s infamous proposal to cannibalize Irish children for the
    good of the world. Gold star for you!

  • http://twitter.com/CapitalistChaos Dan Letovsky

    this is like fat people blaming McDonalds for their own poor choices… 

    then they demand laws banning fast food, which prevents choices for  the rest of us responsible folks

    • Anonymous

      Your analogy is a bigger joke than Richmond’s WGSS courses.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=501661043 Carmen Wicker

        I’m sorry, have you taken all of Richmond’s WGSS courses? 

        • Anonymous

          I have not. Why should I? I am a better feminist than you pretenders can ever claim to be.

          • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=501661043 Carmen Wicker

            Well if you haven’t taken the WGSS courses you have almost no grounds to form an opinion on them. And as far as being a feminist goes… didn’t know it was a competition? and the number of anti-feminist things you have said on this thread completely negate your claim. who the hell even are you? if you’re so out and proud about your opinions why are you the only person on here that doesn’t ID him/her/their self? Even the dude who wrote the letter put his name out there…

    • Vickey Allen

      Dan, did you just compare rape to McDonalds? (How you doing, btw?)

      • Vickey Allen

        I’m a total dumbass. Took me this long to realize that you meant that the author was the fat guy eating McDonald’s. Sorry man.

  • Sky Swartout

    I just want to say how happy and surprised I am by the comments on this thread. Not one person is even getting a teeny bit close to supporting this troglodyte, and the chorus of sarcastic comments and no-bullshit criticism has restored my faith in the UR student body.

    I didn’t know you all had it in you. Keep it coming!

    • Anonymous

      I support Brendan. We don’t need your feel-goody smugness in this forum. Read my comments from the previous page.

      • Sky Swartout

        For real dawg? I thought you were being sarcastic with the rest of us! You were really good at it, you should try it sometime. Seriously man, You’re not worth arguing with. I am smug and do feel good, but only because the UR community has responded so well here. Also, because this may be a good teaching opportunity for Mr. Rhatican, who might have learned about these things gradually in his time at UR, but will now learn them the hard way all at once: these views are not tolerated here.

        • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_NNO73TOOAPROO5HZ3NLPGCD6ZE Timothy

          You’ve added little to the discussion.  Perhaps you’d like to send Brendan to your Chairman Mao thought-police camp — “teach” him a real good lesson.  Seig Heil, “Sky.”  Any other thoughts or ideas you don’t tolerate?  

      • Sky Swartout

        Also, if you want to troll this comment thread man, at least don’t use a lame anon. name. Give us your real name so we know who you are! You have miiiiiine!

        • Anonymous

          I am Asian. Does racism and prejudice also flow through your veins? Xie is a “lame” name because it is not white enough for you?

          Grow up, read some books, go outside.

          • Jeffrey Hunt

            Or maybe Schuyler said that because there is no one at our school named Xie Junta.

          • Sky Swartout

            Thank you, Jeff.

          • Sky Swartout

            Thank you, Jeff.

  • Brendan Rhatican

    I apologize for any offense. However, I have never seen so many ad hominem, red herring, and straw men fallacies in one place before. Do we disagree, and think that women wear appropriate clothing? Fine, call me archaic. Do we disagree that women play a roll in their objectification? Fine. Do we disagree that they are, in fact, objectified? So be it. If you think that women can play a part in their own objectification and that wearing more modest clothing would help fix it, then would you really be a chauvinist bigot who should be locked up?
    Because it was a 200-400 word opinion piece, I could only focus on certain things. My thesis: help me treat you the way I wish to (but fail at times) by dressing more modestly. Call me archaic or call me a caveman; if you think that everything concerning men relating to women (and vice versa) is as it should be, I ask you to research the divorce rate, be present in a locker room, read the police report on monday, or just witness the passers-by on a Friday night. Something has gone wrong. Who is at fault? The both of us.
    You can tell me that women wearing more modest clothing will not help the problem; you cannot tell me that there is no problem.  

    • Dana Mclachlin

      Women are objectified because of a system of patriarchal control that tells women their only worth is in their appearance and ability to please men. There are plenty of gender related problems in the world: the wage gap, rape, lack of political representation and power; none of these problems have anything to do with how a woman dresses. Also, the statement “help me treat you the way I wish to by dressing modestly” is so paternalistic and filled with rape apologism that I honestly don’t know where to start critiquing.

      My suggestion: take a WGSS class. Seriously. Or just consider the possiblity that maybe, just maybe, the way women dress have absolutely nothing to do with you and that every person is “real” no matter how much skin they may be showing. (Even us sluts who like our short skirts.)

      • Anonymous

        Not all women who wear short skirts are sluts. You are just as hateful as these other commentators. To be a slut, even a Christian slut, you need to actually have sex with more men than you can remember. As for the sexual acts themselves, well, let’s just say that you have to become a slut first. Stop calling Brendan names and stop categorizing sluts and barely-clothed non-sluts as immoral. 

        • Dana McLachlin

          Um…..I was kidding. I don’t think ANYONE is a slut because I think people should be allowed to have as much or as little sex as they want.  ”Slut” is a social construct used to make women feel bad about sexual pleasure.  The only reason I said that was to get across the point about how ridiculous it is to make judgements about someones moral worth based on the length of their clothing and/or what consensual sexual activities they choose to do.  

    • Samantha Quig

      Brendan,

      I think that the issue here is that you justify your own objectification of women by blaming it on them.  Your objectification of women is not our problem, it is your own.  If you can’t look at girls without “disrespecting them with your eyes,” that is very disturbing.  Here’s a simple solution: DON’T DO IT! If you want to, as you say, desire someone for their virtue and not their body, then find someone who meets your standards instead of criticizing women who don’t meet them.

      And, just as you ask your readers to consider the divorce rate, etc. in terms of “men relating to women,” I ask you to study the history of victim blaming in sexual assault and rape cases. Please understand that what you are suggesting here is not dissimilar to that, and that is extremely problematic. 

      Perhaps you could stand to learn that just because a female student chooses to wear yoga pants to class or the gym or even a tight shirt or pair of jeans, by no means is she asking for your approval. Nor does this mean that she is not, as you insinuate, a virgin; not beautiful; or that she lacks character.

      And, just so you know, women are well aware that there are still chivalrous men out there. But I think that with this article, you have destroyed any chance of women on the Richmond campus being able to see past your sexist attitude. 

      You are right: I can’t tell you that there is no problem. What I can tell you is that the problem here is you.

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1244041862 Emily Amaro

      Let me make this perfectly clear to you: the clothes that women choose to wear have absolutely NOTHING to do with rape or the objectification of women. Nor does make up or the amount of consensual sex a woman participates in have anything to do with her being the victim of assault. Rape and objectification are caused solely by misogyny – the hatred, dehumanization and torture of women on a daily basis. It is not the woman’s fault in any way, shape or form if she is raped. It is SOLELY based on the rapist – solely based on his disgusting opinion of them.

       The first time I was groped in public by a strange man was when I was 12 years old. Hadn’t even hit puberty yet. Was it the clothes I was wearing? Was I asking for it? Wholly and unequivocally, the answer is no. We live in a time where finally, a good percentage of the world allows women to wear and do what they want – simple rights that have been denied to us for centuries. We have the choice to stay virgins as long as we want. We have the choice to have sex with whom and when we want. We can wear bikinis or burqas or anything we so desire. That’s the beauty of it – we are free. The constant discrimination and appalling violence perpetrated against us has nothing to do with our freedom and it is not our fault for exercising that freedom how we choose. Rape, misogyny and sexism have ALWAYS been around. The freedom to do as we please is new. So logically, how can you say that it is all our faults when rapists, sexists and misogynists are the problem, and always have been? Whether I’m wearing sweatpants or a short skirt has absolutely nothing to with any assault committed against me – none. Divorce rates have nothing to do with this at all. Your response lacks common understanding about how the world works, and how much struggle still exists in the faces of women and those who love them. ”Can you sacrifice fashion in order for ME to treat YOU like a real woman?” I’ve never heard such an arrogant statement in my life. Essentially it means: You must act accordingly to my standards, despite your absolutely rightful desires and choices you make with your freedom, because otherwise I don’t have the decency to treat you like a human being. If you can’t see how disgusting your statement is then you have incredibly serious issues in the way that you relate to females. And guess what? We’re really not different at all. Besides different genitalia we’re the same – so why do you treat us differently? Why must we do anything to please anyone, especially you? This is important because this is the root of the problem. This is the reason we suffer – right here on in a college opinion article. Think of all the women in your life that you love – shouldn’t she have the same freedoms as you? Shouldn’t she be free of judgement for what makes her happy? 

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_NNO73TOOAPROO5HZ3NLPGCD6ZE Timothy

        Dear Emily….an interesting diatribe….only a brief comment on your concerns about sexual assault.  Studies show that 65-78% of all women who are victims of sexual assault had been drinking (the majority intoxicated) — and 75-80% of all men charged had been drinking (and likely intoxicated).  Maybe they were drunk mysogynists — or maybe they were just two drunks using bad judgment that led to more bad judgment.  Call me silly, but it sure looks like drinking on campus is the root cause of our sexual assault problem.  Perhaps a fight to stop alcohol consumption on campus would be best — if it didn’t interfere with everyone’s right to have drunk sex when they wanted.

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1244041862 Emily Amaro

          Intoxication is NOT AN EXCUSE FOR RAPE. It doesn’t matter what the girl was wearing, or what or how much she was drinking, or how she was acting – if a girl says no or isn’t awake or cognizant enough to say yes, it’s rape. This idea that it was a ‘mistake’ that the girl just suddenly now regrets is a red herring. The fact that you referred to my statements as a ‘diatribe’ let’s me know exactly where you are coming from; a person who has never suffered from sexual assault. Someone who has never seen a friend suffer from severe sexual assault. To you it’s an another world, one you are not apart of, and the idea that someone could be so ‘bitter’ about it as you claim lets me know that you consider this issue to be isolated, not widespread, and easily solvable by discouraging drinking. 

          But here’s a more relevant statistic for you; about 44% of assaults are committed against victims under the age of 18. (I would recommend educating yourself here, for starters: http://www.rainn.org/statistics) An estimated 60% of assaults are not reported to authorities in the U.S. for reasons expressed here on this page: When a woman accuses someone of assault she is put under a microscope, and every bit of her behavior and expression – from her clothes to her make up to whether she likes to party to whether she likes to have sex – are scrutinized as if they have anything to do with someones vulnerability against a rapist. They don’t. You could be a total bitch, someone who’s really mean and shallow and dresses rather skin-baringly, but doesn’t mean they deserve to be raped or ‘had it coming.’ If a man is worried they might take advantage of someone while intoxicated – that they’ll commit a FELONY while drunk or otherwise – then they shouldn’t drink. The idea that the woman drinking might allow someone to take advantage being used as a reason to put her at fault is called victim blaming. It happens way more often than you think, and it would be wise to get educated on the matter. 

          While a very small percentage MIGHT be what you are describing, it has little to do with sexual assault on a whole, and to add that to a statement about the reality of violence against women with the word ‘diatribe’ is just disgusting. It’s the same type of language used to blame the victims for an assault someone ELSE perpetrated. Rape is an issue. Women are not the cause of that issue. Rapists are. And the vast majority of them are are committed against women. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1244041862 Emily Amaro

    So much misogynistic, woman-hating, and slut-shaming in one article. Really, it’s quite the feat to put that much ignorance and stupidity into a few paragraphs. I mean, you must have tried really hard to stay this woefully unaware all the way until college! The statement I take most offense to is “you have stripped yourself of everything that made you beautiful’ as if a choice in clothing is what makes a woman beautiful – shallow much?
    Furthermore, a woman can have as much or as little sex as she desires and it does not make her a slut – she simply enjoys sex. If she likes to be with many people then THAT’S YOUR PROBLEM, NOT HERS. If that’s not what you like, then she’s just not the girl for you – it does not make her worthless or ugly or a slut. It means she’s an attractive girl who ISN’T YOURS TO HAVE. Boohoo. Clearly this is really hard for you seeing as that all these girls dressing how they want is getting in your way of finding that ‘conservative, virgin mary,’ but again, this is not anyone else’s problem but your own. The fact that you have the gall to write this article asking THE ENTIRETY of woman EVERYWHERE to change their own personal desires of sexuality, fashion and lifestyle to accommodate YOUR  issues with women being free to do whatever they want to do is just proof of what a selfish prick you are, misogynist or not. It’s sexist people exactly like yourself who contribute to our suffering, because you still believe we exist to service your needs and your desires. Get some tact or else, good luck finding anyone who would be willing to be with you. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1046850057 Maria DiGiovanni

    Mr. Rhatican, 
    You call out women for purposefully objectifying themselves, saying that they are identifying themselves too much with their sexuality, yet you look back fondly at a time when a woman’s virginity determined beauty and character.  How is this different?  How is being seen as only a virgin, having that determine if you are “good”, not objectification?  If a person is judged solely on what they have or have not done with their genitals, it is harmful.

    The fact that you openly stated that you think women who dress in a way you disapprove of don’t deserve to be treated well shines a bad light on your own character.  Men and women alike may dress how they please, but they still deserve to be treated with the same respect one would give any human being.

    In this article, you attempted to paint yourself as a nice guy, mourning the loss of some form of chaste beauty.  But this is not yours to mourn.  If you don’t want a relationship with a woman in a miniskirt because of her clothes, I’m sure she doesn’t want one with you either. 

    In closing, I urge you to read about victim blaming in rape cases and rape culture.  Many of the sentiments expressed here contribute to the mentality that what a woman wears strips her of her person-hood and if she is attacked, she somehow contributed to it.  I speak specifically about this line: “You make men into animals and ask why they cannot tame their appetite.”

    Maria

  • http://morereasonsyoushouldntfuckkids.tumblr.com Chungyen Chang

    Utah State University Sexual Assault and Anti Violence Information

    Myth: Rape victims provoke the attach by wearing provocative clothing

    - A Federal Commission on Crime of Violence Study found that only
    4.4% of all reported rapes involved provocative behavior on the part
    of the victim. In murder cases 22% involved such behavior (as simple
    as a glance).

    - Most convicted rapists do not remember what their victims were wearing.

    - Victims range in age from days old to those in their nineties,
    hardly provocative dressers.

    Utah State University
    http://www.usu.edu/saavi/pdf/myths_facts.pdf

    ===========================================

    ?Like domestic violence, rape is a crime of power and control. Myths
    that rape only happens to young, beautiful women wearing provocative
    clothing perpetuate the idea that rape is a crime of passion, when in
    fact all women are vulnerable to rape, regardless of age, race, class,
    education or physical appearance. Research also shows that 60-75% of
    rapes are premeditated and motivated by aggression and hatred, not
    sex.?

    Arizona?s State Plan on Domestic and Sexual Violence
    http://www.governor.state.az.us/cyf/womens/state%20book/Unit%203%20-%20Defining%20the%20Problem.pdf

    ===========================================

    Amnesty International in a national survey

    34% believe women who flirt can be blamed if they are raped and 26%
    say if a woman is in sexy clothing she is partly to blame

    ?WOMEN who flirt, get drunk or wear sexy clothes are asking to be
    raped, according to a shocking new survey.?

    ?More than a third of people – mainly males – believe girls trying to
    chat up men are partially or totally responsible for being attacked.?

    ?A quarter reckon a woman wearing a provocative outfit is at least
    partly to blame – especially if she has been drinking.?

    ?One in 12 thinks she is a natural target if she has had a number of
    sexual partners.?

    ?And a third believe she is responsible to some degree if she has
    clearly failed to say No?

    ?The disturbing attitudes towards rape and rape victims were uncovered
    by Amnesty International in a national survey to promote its Stop
    Violence Against Women campaign.?

    (?)

    Spokeswoman Kate Allen said: “The poll shows a shocking proportion of
    the public blame women for being raped. The Government must launch a
    new drive to counteract this sexist culture.”

    ?Ms Allen added: “The poll highlights public ignorance of the problem
    as well as the dreadfully low conviction rates.?

    ?Joanna Perry, policy manager at Victim Support, said: “It is alarming
    to read that so many people seem to believe that a woman is
    responsible for inviting a rape or sexual assault because of what she
    was wearing, what she drank or how she behaved.?

    http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=16393921&method=full&siteid=94762&headline=asking-for-it-name_page.html

    ===========================================

    Myths and Facts about Sexual Assault

    ?You may have heard mistaken ideas about the crimes of rape and sexual
    assault. Here are some of the myths followed by the real facts as
    reported by the U.S. Department of Justice.

    Myth: Victims provoke sexual assaults when they dress provocatively or
    act in a promiscuous manner.

    Fact: Rape and sexual assault are crimes of violence and control that
    stem from a person’s determination to exercise power over another.
    Neither provocative dress nor promiscuous behavior are invitations for
    unwanted sexual activity. Forcing someone to engage in non-consensual
    sexual activity is sexual assault, regardless of the way that person
    dresses or acts.?

    Sonoma State University: Women’s Resource Center
    http://www.sonoma.edu/campuslife/sv/myth.htm

    ===========================================

    ?Most sexual assault victims are wearing regular clothes like blue
    jeans or pajamas when they are assaulted, not provocative clothing.?

    Prevention Pathways
    http://pathwayscourses.samhsa.gov/vawp/vawp_supps_pg11.htm

    ===========================================

    Dress of Victim as an Attributed Cause of Date Rape

    ?Research provides evidence that how a woman dresses may be
    interpreted as a cue to her character, vulnerability, willingness to
    have sex, and provocation of a male’s behavior and, consequently,
    affects the likelihood of sexual assault, including date rape. For
    example, 449 university students were surveyed about sex, dating, and
    date rape; 57% agreed or strongly agreed with the statement, “You can
    pretty well tell a girl’s character by how she dresses,” implying
    dress is related to likelihood of occurrence of date rape (Dull &
    Giacopassi, 1987).?

    ?Information applicable to exploration of victim’s dress as an
    attributed cause of date rape is provided by two studies that
    investigated stranger rape. Kanekar and Kolsawalla (1980) found that
    greater fault was attributed to a victim dressed provocatively than to
    a victim dressed unprovocatively. Feild (1978) found that convicted
    rapists endorsed the view that victims precipitate (i.e., cause) rape
    through their appearance or behavior.?

    An Examination of Date Rape, Victim Dress, and Perceiver Variables
    Within the Context of Attribution Theory
    Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, August, 1999 by Jane E. Workman,
    Elizabeth W. Freeburg
    http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m2294/is_3_41/ai_57786728

    ===========================================

    The effect of participant sex, victim dress, and traditional attitudes
    on causal judgments for marital rape victims

    Abstract

    “This study investigated the effects of participant sex, victim dress,
    and attitudes influencing the tendency to blame a marital rape victim.
    College undergraduates completed the Attitudes toward Marriage Scale,
    an intervening cognitive task, and a read fictitious scenario of a
    marital rape incident where the victim was dressed somberly or
    seductively. Participants then completed a brief questionnaire. As
    predicted, males rated the victim more deserving of the attack than
    females. As predicted, the suggestively dressed victim was rated more
    responsible and deserving than the somberly dressed victim. As
    predicted, participants holding more traditional attitudes toward
    marriage were more likely to assign more victim responsibility and
    deservingness than participants with more egalitarian attitudes. These
    findings are discussed within an attitudinal framework.”
    http://cat.inist.fr/?aModele=afficheN&cpsidt=16885786

    ===========================================

    MYTH: Provocative dress can cause a rape.

    FACT: Victims are chosen because of their vulnerability, not because
    they are sexually provocative.

    Wichita State University
    http://webs.wichita.edu/?u=police&p=/sexual_assault/

    ===========================================

    The Re-victimization of the Victim: Record Access in Sexual Assault Trials

    Abstract:

    ?In this research report, the author provides a literature review of
    various perspectives on rape and sexual assault in contemporary
    society. By employing data obtained from interviewing four
    Saskatchewan service providers whose client records were subpoenaed to
    court, the author examines the relatively recent trend toward record
    access in sexual assault cases.?

    ?Notions such as women ask to be raped because they wear provocative
    clothing or go on a date with a man not only serve to justify male
    violence against women but also limit women?s personal freedoms and
    rights to self-expression. As Johnson writes, for women “to break
    certain rules is to invite or deserve rape ”

    Sexual Assault Services of Saskatchewan
    http://www.sasktelwebsite.net/sass/revictimization_paper.html

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1339140179 Ashley Joyce Andem

      Thank you. Thank you so much for posting this.

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