As seniors, my friends and I were upset that we faced the prospect of paying $2,295 a month between four people to live in an apartment that would have serious problems passing modern building codes. Instead of getting colossally ripped off by the university, the fiscally savvy among us opted to move off campus. We have since come to realize how much better off (as well as how much more smug) we really are.
Here are the top nine reasons (each one as poorly written as it is compelling) why it’s better to not live on either the Richmond or Westhampton side of campus:
1. Holy crap, you can drive to class. Granted, the parking situation on campus is abysmal right now: The faculty and staff face absolutely no repercussions for parking in commuter lots, but fortunately we have hybrid spaces. I mean, even though they’re hardly ever used and force those of us with high emission cars to drive around for 10 minutes looking for a space lest we get fined $40, it’s obviously a huge incentive for people to drop the money on a hybrid rather than buy a four-cylinder car at half the price. But don’t let all of this get you down: Driving to class is still as awesome now as it was in high school (very). As an added bonus, if you time it correctly and arrive during the class change, you can limit your time spent walking each day to less than five minutes.
2. My closet is as big as a room in North Court. Actually, I’m joking — it’s only half as big as a room in North Court. But it’s all good because I have my own room, and the great thing is that the only thing that has to fit in it is my bed. I have a living room, dining room and kitchen (which has a dishwasher, by the way) to put all of the other crap that used to clutter up my space in previous years. I also have my own bathroom with hot water that doesn’t randomly cut out at inopportune times at least twice a month. Unfortunately, all of this comes without the signature fragrance of beer and mold we’ve all come to know and love in the University Forest Apartments.
3. It’s nowhere near the gym, so I don’t feel bad about not going. Besides, with all my driving to class I only need to be in good enough shape to walk about 50 feet.
4. There is no D-Hall.
5. It’s farther away from freshman boys. When I get sick of my own grade, I walk across the street to the bar. Real cougars, anyone?
6. It’s closer to any number of places that are better than the lodges. ‘Nuff said.
7. As awesome as driving to class is, gas is expensive, especially when you burn up most of it looking for a non-hybrid parking space. To save money, you’ll start to spend most of your time at the library in between classes screwing around on the internet or napping, oblivious to the hordes of overstressed sophomores that can’t tell the difference between geese and ducks.
You’ll never be lonely, because the library will become a sort of expatriate community for your other friends living off campus. It’s exactly like Paris during the 1920s, except instead of getting hammered and writing “The Sun Also Rises,” you’ll be drinking rebranded Starbucks coffee and writing sarcastic letters to the editor.
8. I can walk to Sheetz. It’s like having a Moe’s and a CVS all rolled into one with roughly half as much yelling.
9. I don’t have to move my car to the other side of campus for one day every other week. If I do make the poor decision to drive in to campus on a game day, I can park pretty much anywhere I want. When I realize that the student seats suck I can say screw it, drive back home, walk to Bailey’s, order a beer and watch the game on TV.